Meningitis-Laden Giant Snails Attack Houston

Walk for your lives!

No one is sure how they got here (they are, after all 8 inches in length and about 4 inches in diameter), but giant snails from Africa have somehow slunk into Houston. Local Texas stations reported last week that these creatures have been spotted in gardens and near homes.

The USDA warns that these are the most dangerous snails in the world. This is true not only because these creatures can carry meningitis, which can be a life-threatening affliction to humans, but that they can actually eat 500 different types of plants, and "can cause structural damage to plaster and stucco."

The building where your business resides might be susceptible to these little guys. If you live in an affected area...Be afraid! Be very afraid!

On the other hand, there may be one easy solution: add salt to your disaster kit, and sell the snails as a delicacy at your restaurant. Or become the only small business that has Certified Giant Snail Carcass Disposal Technicians, (not sure that exists) and make a profit off them!

That'll Reverse Disaster!